Do relationships mean compromises only?

It was a day break as fresh as anyone: the sun shining as though smiling at you and wishing you a wonderful day; people, some of them looked to be in contemplation of how the day was going to be, and others looked as though they did not care.

I had just alighted from the bus from Hubli and had boarded a bus in Majestic to return home to Marathalli. I could not get a seat at the back so I sat in one of the front seats of the Volvo that I was in. The traffic-control signals were not up yet, and so the bus got a free ride. It all started from, I guess, Domlur when the people sitting in front of me where replaced by a girl and her boyfriend, and they were conversing. And I must say I found the girl pretty.

Well, I do not really like to overhear a conversation of a girl and her boyfriend, but this couple’s conversation was far from being “private” and not the kind of should-not-be-heard-by-others type, and I could not help but overhear, though not making it appear that I was listening.

The guy started the talk, which I thought was a good sign, because in a relationship, guys generally do not get a chance. He began by asking her about her handbag. “That is a nice handbag you have, but what is that stain on its belt?” he politely asked. “It was nice till sometime after you gifted it to me, till I discovered this stain myself. The stain was there from even before you gave this to me, just that you did not care to give it to me clean. Could you not even check before giving it? What kind of a person are you?” she snapped back and went silent. I looked at the guy, who was looking at her, who was looking out through the window at the passersby. “Oh, I am sorry for being so negligent” he said submissively. She did not even look back at him and there was some amount of silence in between them.

(Excuse me madam, but if you really liked the bag, why did you not care to clean it yourself? And the inconsequential stain? It would not have cost you more than a tissue paper’s worth to clean it. After all, it is the gift and the feelings behind it that matter, right? For just a simple question about a simple thing, you got the defaulter out of your boyfriend!!!)

“Oh, almost forgot to ask you. Can I take that SIM card that I had told you about yesterday? I could use two of them- one to talk with you, and the other as my official number. What do you say?” another question posed and answer waited expectantly. She looked back at him, and in a way of not showing any amount of interest in what he had asked, said “I do not see why you want to have two of them when you could use just one. It will increase your expenses. Do not take it. I do not want you take it.” With the option rebuffed, her vacuous look, now at the road ahead, resumed. “OK. As you please” he conceded.

(Why do you ask when you know that whatever you propose is going to be snubbed? Why are you bent on making a fool of yourself by her in front of others? If you know that you like something just go ahead and do it. Asking her and submitting to her rejection is nothing but ruining the fun in your life.)

And it seemed that some stranger had texted him the day before, to which he had given some reply and something funny had come out of it. I do not recollect the exact words here. And again, he was excited in telling it to her. All that he said was received by her nonchalance and deadpan-like expression. She did not even seem to think of his being with her, let alone listen to what he was saying.

I fiddled for something in my bag and lost track of the conversation. But when I found what I wanted and resumed my listening, the conversation had moved on to the one of the boy’s friend using some car. “Why does he come in taxi everyday when he has a car at home?” She asked. “His car might be under repair, dear.” He replied. “But why did he have to ask you if you could take him to the office? Can’t he make arrangements of his own? Idiot.” And thus she took on his friend as well. “I do not know. But why are you being so tensed about something that does not concern you.” And there was no reply again.

And there was my stop of Marathalli Bridge, where I had to alight. I got up from my seat and moved towards the door. The couple’s conversing became fainter and fainter till I no longer could hear them speak. The bus stop came, I got down, and the bus moved on. This conversation of his saying something and her careless rejecting of everything with that “nothing” expression on her face, and his conceding to everything she wanted, would have gone on to eternity – and of that I am certain.

I walked from the bus stop to my home, pitying the guy every step of the way. I could not help but feel sorry for him at the plight that he by choice had pulled upon himself. In the name of being in a relationship, what I fail completely to fathom, is why some people make so many compromises that they lose their own identity? Take this guy itself as an example. Just to ingratiate a pretty girl, he was being a yes-man and getting nothing of his own. Does relationship mean giving the power to control you to someone else that does not totally understand you, and is therefore far from efficient at making decisions for you? Why in the want of being in a relationship people forgo what they so much like? I understand that there is a conflict of interest here, but does not this kind of conflict lead to one person circumscribing the freedom of the other? When this happens, does the other person like it? Ideally, what I like to hear is someone saying, “Hey guess what, she likes me being this way and I like she liking it.” instead of someone telling me, “I gave up something, for she does not like it and that makes her happy.” Just because someone is pretty, or good to look at does not make him/her THE person. It is how much the other person understands you. Does it take anything else apart from “understanding” to have a healthy relationship? I personally do not think anything else at all matters.

And so, to all those people in relationships, hear is a thought. Please compare yourself with what you were before you being in the relationship and now? Do you have your control with you? Are you happy with all the compromises that you have made? If so, congratulation and I wish you all the best. If not, my heart goes out in deepest of pity for you.

To all those singles out there, I included, here is a thought for you too. It might be a long wait till that perfect person comes in your life. And when that happens, you will believe that the person is much more worthy than the wait itself. Please do not settle for someone who is not worthy of you. All you will end up with a life of compromises. People make compromises, I agree. And to some extent, I accept that making compromises is a good thing. But if a compromise is asking you to forgo something you like, it is not worthy of being made. After all, that person is someone whom you’ll spend the rest of your life with, and if he/she is not interesting enough, you are sure to see the worst of times. My adaptation of famous Keats’s saying- “A person who understands you is a joy forever!”