I was leaving from my office; time was around 6:30PM. I was not at my best - blame it to the body ache I was having since the previous day. The only thing I had in mind was to reach home and repose myself for an early slumber. However, never did I expect to descry such an agonizing scene as described below.
I walk the distance from the entrance of my building to the BMTC stop close-by on the service road. Suddenly I see a red colour swift incoming speedily - at least 80km/hr must have read the speedometer. Next thing, I hear the tires screech as the driver applies brakes to stop. But before the car comes to a halt, 'thud' is the sound of the impact of the swift with a man, who was trying to cross the road. The man left the ground, flew, and landed about 20 ft ahead of the now halted swift, his back shone by the swift's headlights. The impact was a hard one, for the swift's front glass had cracked in a spot. 'Ohhhh' I cry. People standing alongside me also stare at this ghastly sight they had become the unfortunate audience of, and rush to the victim who lay motionless for half a minute. A good crowd gathers around. I am not entirely sure if the driver got out of his swift; he definitely would have been awed. Because of the crowd, the vehicles behind were unable to get ahead and traffic starts piling up. Thus, they decide to use the de facto solution to all traffic problems: honking.
However, in a minute what I see is that someone lifts the victim holding his hands. Someone else holds his legs. They carry him to the swift, open the doors and seat him inside. While they carry him, I see the victim's eyes open and his head shaking. It cleared my apprehensions that the impact had not caused him a sudden death. They accompany him. The next moment, the swift speeds away again, perhaps to the nearest hospital. In a minute, the crowd disperses and traffic flow eases.
All this happened in merely 3 minutes. It was agonizing; something of the sort I never expect to see again. What I did appreciate in this, however, was nobody tried to ascribe blame to either. The action was quick and toward saving the man’s life.I really hope that he received adequate treatment, and, more than anything else, has survived to see this day and the days to come.
It was a day break as fresh as anyone: the sun shining as though smiling at you and wishing you a wonderful day; people, some of them looked to be in contemplation of how the day was going to be, and others looked as though they did not care.
I had just alighted from the bus from Hubli and had boarded a bus in Majestic to return home to Marathalli. I could not get a seat at the back so I sat in one of the front seats of the Volvo that I was in. The traffic-control signals were not up yet, and so the bus got a free ride. It all started from, I guess, Domlur when the people sitting in front of me where replaced by a girl and her boyfriend, and they were conversing. And I must say I found the girl pretty.
Well, I do not really like to overhear a conversation of a girl and her boyfriend, but this couple’s conversation was far from being “private” and not the kind of should-not-be-heard-by-others type, and I could not help but overhear, though not making it appear that I was listening.
The guy started the talk, which I thought was a good sign, because in a relationship, guys generally do not get a chance. He began by asking her about her handbag. “That is a nice handbag you have, but what is that stain on its belt?” he politely asked. “It was nice till sometime after you gifted it to me, till I discovered this stain myself. The stain was there from even before you gave this to me, just that you did not care to give it to me clean. Could you not even check before giving it? What kind of a person are you?” she snapped back and went silent. I looked at the guy, who was looking at her, who was looking out through the window at the passersby. “Oh, I am sorry for being so negligent” he said submissively. She did not even look back at him and there was some amount of silence in between them.
(Excuse me madam, but if you really liked the bag, why did you not care to clean it yourself? And the inconsequential stain? It would not have cost you more than a tissue paper’s worth to clean it. After all, it is the gift and the feelings behind it that matter, right? For just a simple question about a simple thing, you got the defaulter out of your boyfriend!!!)
“Oh, almost forgot to ask you. Can I take that SIM card that I had told you about yesterday? I could use two of them- one to talk with you, and the other as my official number. What do you say?” another question posed and answer waited expectantly. She looked back at him, and in a way of not showing any amount of interest in what he had asked, said “I do not see why you want to have two of them when you could use just one. It will increase your expenses. Do not take it. I do not want you take it.” With the option rebuffed, her vacuous look, now at the road ahead, resumed. “OK. As you please” he conceded.
(Why do you ask when you know that whatever you propose is going to be snubbed? Why are you bent on making a fool of yourself by her in front of others? If you know that you like something just go ahead and do it. Asking her and submitting to her rejection is nothing but ruining the fun in your life.)
And it seemed that some stranger had texted him the day before, to which he had given some reply and something funny had come out of it. I do not recollect the exact words here. And again, he was excited in telling it to her. All that he said was received by her nonchalance and deadpan-like expression. She did not even seem to think of his being with her, let alone listen to what he was saying.
I fiddled for something in my bag and lost track of the conversation. But when I found what I wanted and resumed my listening, the conversation had moved on to the one of the boy’s friend using some car. “Why does he come in taxi everyday when he has a car at home?” She asked. “His car might be under repair, dear.” He replied. “But why did he have to ask you if you could take him to the office? Can’t he make arrangements of his own? Idiot.” And thus she took on his friend as well. “I do not know. But why are you being so tensed about something that does not concern you.” And there was no reply again.
And there was my stop of Marathalli Bridge, where I had to alight. I got up from my seat and moved towards the door. The couple’s conversing became fainter and fainter till I no longer could hear them speak. The bus stop came, I got down, and the bus moved on. This conversation of his saying something and her careless rejecting of everything with that “nothing” expression on her face, and his conceding to everything she wanted, would have gone on to eternity – and of that I am certain.
I walked from the bus stop to my home, pitying the guy every step of the way. I could not help but feel sorry for him at the plight that he by choice had pulled upon himself. In the name of being in a relationship, what I fail completely to fathom, is why some people make so many compromises that they lose their own identity? Take this guy itself as an example. Just to ingratiate a pretty girl, he was being a yes-man and getting nothing of his own. Does relationship mean giving the power to control you to someone else that does not totally understand you, and is therefore far from efficient at making decisions for you? Why in the want of being in a relationship people forgo what they so much like? I understand that there is a conflict of interest here, but does not this kind of conflict lead to one person circumscribing the freedom of the other? When this happens, does the other person like it? Ideally, what I like to hear is someone saying, “Hey guess what, she likes me being this way and I like she liking it.” instead of someone telling me, “I gave up something, for she does not like it and that makes her happy.” Just because someone is pretty, or good to look at does not make him/her THE person. It is how much the other person understands you. Does it take anything else apart from “understanding” to have a healthy relationship? I personally do not think anything else at all matters.
And so, to all those people in relationships, hear is a thought. Please compare yourself with what you were before you being in the relationship and now? Do you have your control with you? Are you happy with all the compromises that you have made? If so, congratulation and I wish you all the best. If not, my heart goes out in deepest of pity for you.
To all those singles out there, I included, here is a thought for you too. It might be a long wait till that perfect person comes in your life. And when that happens, you will believe that the person is much more worthy than the wait itself. Please do not settle for someone who is not worthy of you. All you will end up with a life of compromises. People make compromises, I agree. And to some extent, I accept that making compromises is a good thing. But if a compromise is asking you to forgo something you like, it is not worthy of being made. After all, that person is someone whom you’ll spend the rest of your life with, and if he/she is not interesting enough, you are sure to see the worst of times. My adaptation of famous Keats’s saying- “A person who understands you is a joy forever!”
Retrospecting, it seems like infinity since I visited my blog. Things in life were a little disordered, disorganized, and not so very good, lately. Now though, it's a new beginning, at a new place, with a new perspective, with a new rigor, with a new hope. It is, of course, a little too early to say things look promising but my gut feeling about this is positive, and hope that things do actually become better and better.
Stay hungry for more in my blog; I'm sure there will be new things here very soon. :)
“Captain! Captain!! We have an enemy submarine approaching. The radar shows signs of a submarine moving, and moving fast, towards us. What do you want me to do?” I spoke hastily and waited for a reply in my earphone. We were in the last phase of the war. I was there in the control room of INS-VIRAT executing every impediment that came in between us and victory. “Obliterate it!!!” was the reply. I adjusted my aim, locked it on the submarine, and opened a flap on a tiny red button and pushed it. The next moment, the dot on the radar disappeared. “Yes!!!” I shouted and raised both my hands with fists clenched. And then…
My friend beside me brought me back to my senses. I was there in the classroom, standing with a broad grin on my face and with everyone in the classroom staring at me. The grin disappeared and my expression was replaced by embarrassment. “Have you been dreaming in my class?” the physics teacher scowled at me. I looked at the floor. The teacher started his usual tirade. “…Do you know how much money your parents…? …You idiot… No wonder you show such poor performance…” I was untouched, and unconcerned. “…Get out and ask HOD’s permission before entering my next class!!” And then it ended. I collected my bag, walked out, and made my way to the canteen after being sent out of the very first hour of the day. I was trudging, wondering if this day too was going to be as dreary as others had proved to be, lately. The heat was scorching. I looked up and there was an airplane flying at a high altitude leaving its trail and then…
“May I interest you in something to eat, sir?” asked the airhostess to me. “No thanks”, I said. “Perhaps a beverage or something?” “I am full. Thank you so much”, I dismissed her. I looked outside the window to see the gleaming midday sun. The clouds below me were white. I received a call from my secretary. “Sir, we have clinched the deal. The company has agreed to be bought at $30 per share”, he said. “That is exquisite. I’ll call the bank and ask them to make the necessary arrangements. Arrange a meeting with the Board of Directors. This is definitely a day our company’s name would be written in golden letters. Also arrange a press conference. The moment I land, I want everything to be ready.” After having said that, I hung up. Calls of appreciation started pouring in. I was deep in thought of what this takeover means to me personally and to the company…
“… Hello, what can I get you?” My reverie was broken by the sharp tone of the waiter waiting at my table. It dawned on me that I was very hungry, having missed my breakfast- a penalty for getting up late. “A Dosa and one special tea”, I ordered. It came after some time; I ate, and went back to the next class. I decided to be a little cautious and attentive. The class wasn’t so bad. I mean, I only got chided again for not having my notes up-to-date, but that was better than being sent out of the class! Time passed, rather dully. Thankfully the rest of the day at the college went by smoothly, without any more trouble. But then I had gleaned trouble for the next day- I had to meet the HOD before I could attend the next physics class- but it wasn’t so abrupt, so I gave that thought some rest. After having wasted another of my day at the college, (the day I could happily have spent in my room, dreaming of course) it was now the time to go back to my hostel, which was quite some distance away.
The drive from the college to the hostel is awful. The seemingly unending wait for the right bus to arrive, the struggle to find a place to stand in the crowd amidst constant pushing and pulling, the one-and-a-half hour bumpy ride in that bone-shaker, and then another fifteen-minute walk to my room after alighting at the stop- these sap even the last ounce of energy left in me. Thus, after reaching my room I whirled my bag to some corner in the room and fell on my bed and found myself floating into dreamland…
“…and the award for the best lead-actor goes to”, I held my breath, “Sachin R Kulkarni!!!” The hall erupted with plaudit and in that din I sat still as a stone when my name was called. For a moment I couldn’t even believe. Was it indeed me? And then I realized that it was my name indeed when people started looking at me, and when cameras focused at me. I got a tight hug from my director cum producer, then my parents, then my sister. I went to the stage and collected the lady. It was amazing! It was my debut film and I was being conferred the best lead-actor. “Thank you everyone: the team, my co-actors, the jury and every human being that was behind the success of this project. Special thanks to my parents, my sister for their love, their unending support and their words of encouragement. Thank you very much; my elation knows no bounds…”
“… Sachin, Sachin, open the door.” My roommate had arrived and was banging the door. “So what were you dreaming about?” he enquired. “How did you know I was dreaming?” I asked, rubbing my eyes. “Come on. I have been waiting outside the door for half-an-hour now, and you in such deep thought means only one thing. “Alright! Alright!” I said. “I was awarded the best lead-actor for my debut film”. “What!! Tell me more.” And I told him everything I recollected. “So who was your heroine?” he started pulling my leg. “Was it the girl who sits in the first bench in your class you said has a crush on you” “Stop it!” “How did you kill the villain?” “Shut up!” “So how many songs were in the movie?” His nagging went on for some more time.
This is how it is. I dream a lot. Dream of success, dream that I am at the top of the world, dream that there is all the adulation for me, and dream that I am big, I am famous. I live in two worlds. One is fantastic yet evanescent, in which I can dare to be everything that I can be, everything that I want to be. And there is this world that I live, in between my living in the world of dreams, in which I find myself grappling with everything that comes to me, and with a faint hope that one fine day the two coalesce and become one and I get the best of both worlds.
With a glass of coke in my hand, I was enjoying the company of my recently-made friends at one of the hotels in the city. It was a treat of one of my well-to-do friends on his success in his business. He had invited me. We had many friends in common and so, I had agreed to go and thus possibly meet my other friends as well. I did meet them, but having found them involved in a grave discussion impertinent to me, I had isolated myself from them.
Someone called me from behind. I turned. I was struck to see Harish, a buddy of mine whom I had not heard from for a long time, at least two years after the accidental demise of his mother. We had been best friends in college, but after that, my career had got the better of our friendship. Though I occasionally met him when I had begun to work, that too became difficult when the company began assigning a lot of projects with a short deadline. I, therefore, do not recollect when I last saw him; however, I knew that they were in a huge debt after his father had agreed for the marriage of his sister that cost him much more than their cumulative savings. After many abortive tries to find a suitable bridegroom for his sister, he had to relent on the one “yes” he had heard, with the condition that all the expenses that the boy-side would do on the marriage would have to be given in the form of dowry to them. He had no choice but to accept it. The expenses were through-the-roof.
Harish, on the other hand was all shining at the party. A new suit, gleaming shoes, gelled hair, wearing what seemed to be imported goggles, and with a glass of lemonade in his hand, walked towards me and took his goggles off. It was a great feeling to see him again. My face lit up. I was stunned by his appearance to say the least.
“How are you? And your father? You seem to be doing well.” I said.
“I am just fine as you can see. Baba, well he keeps a little ill. Nothing serious, however, just the ailments that are concomitant with age. His hearing and vision have suffered. Blood pressure and stuff,” he said.
“Oh. But look at you. You look brilliant!!! These goggles, all shiny shoes, and this blackberry, how did this happen, you found a gold nugget somewhere?”I asked, smiling.
“I set up my own business, and believe me, it is doing very good. How do you like quitting your job and partnering me?” he asked.
”No thanks I am just happy with whatever I do, and business is just not for me. So it was probably eight years before I saw you last, right?” I queried.
“Yes it was. After that…” he stopped and felt the blackberry making vibrations. “Excuse me, I have to answer this.”I saw him going in the open air to answer it, and within two minutes he was back. “Aaah, these clients never give me a moment’s rest.”
We chatted our time through, reliving our most cherished moments of college we had together. We lunched together. I understood he had grown very sophisticated and urban. His way of talking, walking; everything regarding him had turned up side down. From a modest guy coming from an average family, he had brought about a sea change in him.
I never knew how time sped. “It’s time I guess I should be going. Have to settle some deals with my clients”, he said. “Hey wait here; I’ll introduce you to my other friends. It’ll only take a moment of your precious time”, I said. He agreed to wait. I gathered three of my friends and when I came back, I saw, to my utter disbelief, Harish had gone. I tried searching him in the hall, but found him nowhere. Surprised and unsettled I became. “Well, now that was strange” I asked myself. “Did he get an urgent call from his father? Was something wrong?” He had left without exchanging cards. I had no means to reach him again.
His visit had made me reminiscent of those memories that had locked themselves in the deepest corners of my heart. Those were resurfacing. Why not just drop in the college I thought. Harish’s old house was just along the way. I said goodbyes to my friends and started out.
Going along the same path that I trudged nine years ago was certainly wonderful. The eat-out that was our adda, the tea stall where we sometimes spent our time, the road that we walked, somehow everything was just as it was. While I was going to the college, I caught a glimpse of Harish’s house. They must have left that house I thought, for Harish was now a wealthy man. Just then, I saw his father coming out. I was really surprised. His father seemed ill as he had said. But what I could not believe was how come his father was still there, in that house, when his son was doing so well. I knew Harish was a responsible person; he wouldn’t leave his father and have a life of his own. I went to him. His father instantaneously recognized me, and gestured me to come in.
I was still baffled. What was going on? I told him what I did, and where I was currently put up. I then narrated what had happened at the hotel. His father smiled.
His father began, in his husky voice, “You see, Harish now works in a theatre. He is a protagonist. And he has now a role to play of a very wealthy man in one of the dramas. He must have borrowed the clothes out for a day. Yes. That must have been the case. Three years after his college, one of my relatives offered him a place in theatre. He is doing well. Six years of diligence has made him a fine actor and has brought respect for him among his peers. I am happy for him. It is because of him that I was able to clear all the debt on me. Otherwise, we would have been on the roads. Thankfully, his sister is also fine, and has two children now- a son and a daughter. They visit me every month”, he said smiling. Then he showed album of snaps of Harish in his plays. It was just amazing. He asked if I wanted something to eat; I politely refused.
Just then, I saw Harish. He was just standing outside the door and avoiding me seeing him; but when I saw him, he came in and gave me a tight hug. Tears rolled out of his eyes. Why he lied to me in the beginning? Well, I never asked him and he never told me. But the question still remained, "Why did he lie?"
It happened a few days back. I came home after some work. There was this thing going on. Mother was listening to the radio and a cookery program was being relayed. Father was watching cricket on the television. My sister was watching a movie in between the deliveries bowled. I was listening to all the three things at once. And the effect they created was hilarious. It went this way-
..tumhara naam kya hai..Chakka!!!.. ab hum dekhenge iska sahitya, pehle pani uske baad.. ricky ponting.. uske baad thoda sa.. andrew symonds… tumhare maa baap.. dono crease par.. Ponting ne parson matck ke bad kaha tha.. haan haan main paagal hoon tumhare pyar mey paagal lekin shaadi nahi karsakta kyon ki.. aloo ke daam bohot badh gaye hain.. bharat main cricket ek khel hi nahi.. wo ek swadisht pakwan hai.. bhaiya mere liye kya laye.. do chammach cheeni aur garam tel..is prakar ricky ponting ko.. dheeme se oobalen aur jab wo laal ho jaye.. umpire ka nirnay bowler ke paksh mey aur symonds out.. maine apne jeevan me sirf dukh dekha hai.. ab aur thodi mirch powder daliye.. agle batsman hain Michel..Kumar, Tum pata lagao ki aakhir who chahte kya hain.. ab sirf chauke aur chakkon se match jeetne ki asha Australia ki.. agar bohot der tak oobala to sara paani chalaa jayega..
Since I had just come, I got up and got myself fresh. Had some thing and came back to my seat. This thing was still going on, albeit the movie was towards the end with the last fighting going on; in the cookery show, the chef was giving the finishing touches, and in the match, it was ishant Sharma bowling the last over
…Aur ye out aur ishant bohot hi khush. ricky ponting kuch badbade huey jaa rahe hain.. kamine main tere saare khandan to khatam kardoonga (hero to villiain).. to usko do minute ke liye thoda ghumate rahiye.. ab jo batsman aayenge unse chakkon ki gunjayish.. dishum dishum.. trrrrrrrr (sound of mixer).. Dhiskyaon dhiskyaon dhiskyaon.. aur ye match ki aakhri gend aur chahiye che run..aa dhishum, aa dhishum (hero is belting the villain).. aur isko thoda sa garnish kijiye.. aur bharat ne match jeetliya.. aaaah (the villain has had enough and hero has a revolver pointed at him) mujhe maaf karo, mujhe mat maro.. yeaaaahhhh, wooooo, yuuuhuuuu (its absolute mayhem at the stadium).. (The police arrive in the movie) hum aap ko giraftar karte hain. vijay, well done.
It is presentation ceremony in the stadium, the chef is summarizing what he has taught, and in the movie, hero and heroin are getting married…
…So the man of the match is.. chicken soup..bilkul raam sita ki Jodi hain tumhari.. and the man of the series is.. paneer butter masala, aur iske saath hi aajka show samapth.. Hope you have enjoyed watching the broadcast of the match.. Haa ha ha ha (everyone is laughing In the movie) “THE END”.
It was a strong drizzle and I was waiting for it to subside so that I could go home. You were there under the tree asking your mother if you could play in the rain. Your mother refused, and you had curled your face. You had stretched your hands to feel the rain. It was for the first time I had seen you clearly. Never had imagined speaking with you in class but as they say if same feelings sprout, then it becomes easy to strike up a conversation. All that was needed was an excuse. And that excuse came in the form of our physics teacher. I’ll thank three people here- firstly, the teacher for giving the assignment, secondly, you for not doing it, and thirdly, myself for doing it. And the teacher had asked you to take it from me and copy it down. You had then apprehensively come in the lunch break to me to ask the assignment. “Excuse me, can I have your physics assignment, please?” you asked. I looked around and spilled the rice in my hand. It fell on the shirt and created a stain. That shirt I did not give for a wash, and even today the stain is just as is. That was the start, pedantic nevertheless.
Then onwards I wished that every class be that way. I had then become very regular in my assignments, and always wished that you come to me and asked. We used to exchange our notes, assignments, and it took its own time for me to ask you your contact number. Well I somehow summoned the courage and under the pretext of calling you if I could not understand something, I had asked you your number. You had readily given it. In doing anything, the first time is most difficult. I remember the first time I had wanted to call you. My mind was vacillating. Should I call, should I not? What if your mother or father picks it up? Will they like it? What will they think? I still remember my first call that I had made to you. I was beginning to get edgy.
“Hello”, I said.
“Hello”, the reply, coarse. I do not know who that was ‘coz in many calls I have made to you, that voice I heard only the first time, never again.
I asked if I could speak to you.
“Who’s speaking?”
I seemed to have forgotten my name for a while.
“Hmmm…” I hummed.
“Who’s talking?”
“Sachin, Sachin.” Good lord it came right, without any more delay. You were asked to come down the stairs and answer the call.
“Hello…’. You said. I only wish that there was a word in any language to describe what I felt like.
“Hello… Hello… Who are you? Sorry, I meant how. Hi there, good morning, night, sorry afternoon. Did you not go to college today?” And I suddenly realized that it was a Sunday. (I was in home too. That was stupid of me)
“Today is Sunday right?” you asked.
“Oh yes. Sorry for that.”
“Listen, hey, could you get your English text book please?” I asked, not knowing where I was going with that conversation. Actually I had called you up with nothing of this on my mind. All those things were being cooked in my head. And I was just speaking them out. All the time I had before the call, I depleted in thinking about what would happen if someone other than you picked my call. I never thought what I will speak about when you answer it. Now that you went back again to your room, I fumbled for the text book myself in my bag.
You then brought the text book. “OK, here it is with me. Tell me what is it that you want?”
I was stuck again, “could you turn to page 47?”
“Ya. Here I am.” You said, turning to the page.
I was turning to the page but the book fell down and I said, “I had something to ask, but I seem to have forgotten. Ok… give me a second to recollect.”
I was just buying time. I collected the book and began, “Ya why did Sherlock Holmes contact Dr. Watson?” and when I turned to page 47, it was the poem- The Daffodils, of Wordsworth.
“What!! Now where did Sherlock Holmes come in Daffodils?” you asked.
Not knowing what to speak, I hung up. It was a blunder. I felt embarrassed.
The next day, I came up to you and apologized. You just smiled and said, “Next time, if you do want to call me, just do it; no need for an excuse.” You had read my mind. That much I knew. Then onwards, a call once a week. The week soon became a day. I even remember when you had told me that you were going out of town and I had asked you, “Ok, so will you call me from there?”
“Can’t wait to speak to you; I’ll call you as often as I can, and also wish you goodnight.” I had no words to speak. I just said, “Fine. I’ll be waiting,” and hung up. I was smiling, and blushing too. I had never felt any happier than this my entire life till then. I was just wondering as to how someone, whom I never knew yesterday, got so close today. It was surreal, and incredible. Someone had said that every man is a poet when he’s in love. I somehow found that very relevant to me. I had begun to write poems then. It was then that the insipid tea at the restaurant seemed all the more delicious; the once tasteless pizza was now my favorite. A popular movie title has this line with it, love makes life beautiful. Well very true indeed, I think. And me, who don’t watch movies avidly, did watch that movie a hundred times at least.
Seeing you, speaking to you, knowing you, understanding you, and allowing you so close to me- these have been and are the best things that could have happened to me in my life. I just hope that you exist for real and don’t remain only in my imagination.
Waiting, only and only for you… With all the love in the world…
The above work is purely my imagination, and I bear no responsibility for any resemblance of this with anyone :-)
